Love Letters from Former Nuns: Gabriella

There is simply nothing like taking a vacation to one of the most romantic countries on Earth with the girl you have a crush on and her girlfriend.

And because of that, Italy is not where Gabriella’s story starts. She and Vanessa began in the Watertown Golf Club, white, ranch style building set atop a sprawling golf course. Perhaps the golf club could be called glamorous if it weren’t smack in the center of the Connecticut suburb best known for the impressive variety of fast food restaurants within the town limits. Dean Tammy decided, in the tradition of high school prom decision makers, this golf club that had not been renovated since 1988 was the most magical place for the nunnery’s prom. The worn out carpets and garish green paint were nothing from which some Christmas lights and a bangin’ DJ couldn’t distract.

Nuns arrive at school sponsored events together. So Gabriella and Vanessa rolled up to the Watertown Golf Club on the luxurious coach bus and went to prom stag. They danced together nonetheless. Vanessa’s ex-girlfriend couldn’t complain, they had long since been over. Gabriella danced with Vanessa, in a large group of all of their mutual friends, for as long as Dean Tammy had scheduled. When Flo Rida instructed, as he had to all prom dancers since 2008, to get low, these shawties got low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low.

Gabriella and Vanessa found themselves on the same lumpy couch upholstered in pilled, plaid flannel at the after party in Taylor’s basement. The party was raucous: Taylor put on a horror movie so terrible it could have been filed under comedy and everyone had fallen asleep by 1:00 am. At least, Gabriella thought everyone was asleep. As Vanessa adjusted her head on Gabriella’s shoulder and Gabriella realized Vanessa was awake, Gabriella’s thoughts adjusted from freaking out because the girl she likes is asleep on her to super freaking out because the girl she likes is awake on her.

Gabriella could not freak out for long, because now, armed with the knowledge that the other was awake, Gabriella and Vanessa began talking. They spent an hour dissecting the prom and even longer discussing the latest meme developments. Gabriella learned that Vanessa doesn’t like grapefruit with sugar but loves it with salt, and Vanessa learned that Gabriella’s life goal is to hug a dog from every breed. As the night wore on, they got less coherent and more existential. Muffins are just naked cupcakes, yet if you eat a muffin for breakfast no one bats an eye but if you eat a cupcake for breakfast everyone becomes both a nutritionist and a psychologist.

The pair no sooner fell asleep than they were jostled awake by the others. They had to be careful getting up, because they were so entangled that Gabriella spent a solid thirty seconds wondering how her hand wound up in a position she did not know she could anatomically achieve before realizing it was in fact Vanessa’s hand. After their limbs were separated and everyone could tell who the owner of each arm and leg was, Ashley decided to confront Gabriella about hooking up with Vanessa. Ashley believed that the previous night Gabriella and Vanessa bopped to the top on the plaid couch that could have been stuffed with stale fruitcakes and Gabriella would not have questioned it in a room full of seven of Gabriella and Vanessa’s closest, sleeping friends. Gabriella could not begin to tell Ashley how wrong she was. Vanessa could begin to tell Ashley how wrong she was, but facts have no place in gossip. So while the last two weeks between prom and graduation were less than enjoyable as the rumor mill got more action than it had the entire year, the three months since have been as magical as Dean Tammy believed prom would be.

Staying awake all night talking to a person you care deeply about is often romanticized. Gabriella can confirm that the notion is as romantic as the action.

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