Love Letters from Former Nuns: Lydia

Lydia is a firm believer that labels are for pickle jars, not people.

Labels are comforting to have on pickle jars. Lydia has no interest in eating a hamburger so juicy it drips down her wrist as she bites down into the perfect amount of caramelized onions and  avocado slices topped with an over easy fried egg and homemade aioli only to have it ruined by a sickly sweet bread and butter pickle. Anything is better than a bread and butter pickle. Why do those exist? Pickle jars need labels so that everyone can avoid bread and butter pickles and go straight for the kosher dill or garlic pickles.

But people are not pickles, and while Lydia understands that labels may help some people come to terms with their own identities, she is stressed out by the thought of being labelled. What Lydia is most concerned with nowadays is not a personal label but a relationship label.

Lydia and Trevor have been seeing each other since late August. They visit each other almost every weekend, and some of those visits have occurred during daylight hours. To put it diplomatically, they have common interests. To put it honestly, they are gigantic nerds. Lydia and Trevor once got horny from, and subsequently made out to, a Star Wars podcast. Young Harrison Ford, Oscar Isaac, and current Harrison Ford are incredibly attractive and understandably a turn on, but this was a podcast. None of their glorious, beautiful faces were present. Needless to say, Lydia and Trevor are a great match and Lydia would like to thank Ginger for setting them up.

Lydia is constantly bombarded by one question: is Trevor her boyfriend? On paper, yes, it would appear that Lydia and Trevor are girlfriend and boyfriend. In practice, however, the couple  has never labelled their relationship as such. They are both nineteen, this is the first legitimate fling Lydia has ever had, and she just wants to enjoy Trevor’s company. If everyone could just butt out and let Lydia and Trevor continue to drive around Connecticut belting entire Broadway musicals, that would be great.

Lydia more than anyone remembers the How I Met Your Mother episode on defining the relationship from the beginning of season five, before the show completely jumped the shark. While none of her friends have locked her and Trevor in a bedroom until they label their relationship, Lydia fears this may happen considering how desperately everyone around her wants to know what the deal is with her and Trevor. Lydia has analyzed this fascination with her situation that others seem to be consumed by, and for the life of her she cannot figure it out. Everyone seems to have a different label for her. But people are more complex than pickles, and cannot be labelled by external sources. Everyone knows when they bite into a genuine dill pickle. But no one but Lydia and Trevor can experience the joy they get from their situation, so no one gets to label them.

Perhaps the best label for Lydia and Trevor is situationship, a recently coined term to describe a relationship that is not a true relationship and is more of a situation one finds oneself in, but that is a nonsense word and the only made up word Lydia has time for is brunch. Besides, for Lydia, the lack of a label is no big dill.

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